I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
