i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
