I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
