he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We had to coat check the pizza.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
