She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
