He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
