it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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