My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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