So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
