Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
