I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
