Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
