Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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