I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she pinky promised me she was 18
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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