I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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