Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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