I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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