So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
