My sheets look like a crime scene.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
