He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
