you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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