I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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