I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
