your parents love me but you hate me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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