You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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