ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
