i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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