Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
