you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm always down for nudity.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
