this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just crazy horny about you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Randomize
