I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
