thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
