your thong is hanging out like whoa
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
