Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
did you just send me my own nude
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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