Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
