I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
