What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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