Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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