Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
