we have officially lost it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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