Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
