She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
