oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I need a burrito and a hug.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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