when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
