so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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