my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
