dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
