i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
