He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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