Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
